Why he was the only one
by MissSwede
Summary: Oneshot on why Seth was an only child before Ryan came...reposted with fewer spelling mistakes. P


_Just something I came up with once when I was bored and now I just found it. I don't own anything but please leave a review if you liked it. This is a repost where I have tried to correct the spelling mistakes. For some reason the spelling check wasn't activated and I realize that the mistakes could have been annoying. Sorry about that and thanks to you who pointed it out. _

**Why he was the only one. **

"Mommy, why don't I have any brothers or sisters?"

Seth was a lively six-year-old and often to tired to talk while being tucked in, tonight that was apparently not the case, though. Kirsten sighted, she knew to well why it was just him, but apparently Seth didn't remember.

"Why do you ask that, sweetie?" her hand swept over his forehead brushing away a lock of dark hair from his eyes.

"I dunno, everyone else have brothers and sisters."

"No they don't. Marissa doesn't."

"But she is going to."

"She is?" Seth nodded "And how do you know that?"

"I heard her telling her friend in school today"

"Oh, were you eavesdropping?" she asked trying to keep him from asking the question that she didn't know if she had the strength to answer again.

"It was an accident mommy. Don't get mad."

"I'm not mad."

"So why don't I have a brother or sister mommy?" Another sight escaped her mouth, he wasn't going to give up until he got his answer. If only Sandy had been home tonight, he would have known what to say. She looked down at her son who was looking back at her, searching for his answer. She took a deep breath and:

"You know how much we love you right?" Seth nodded, he did know. They told and showed him everyday. "Well we love you so much that we are afraid that there wouldn't be enough love left for a new baby."

She looked away from his eyes, quickly kissed him on his forehead and said good night. She had to get out of there, his room, this was the first time in his life that she had lied to him, the last time she would lie to him, she promised herself that, but this was to big, to fresh, to hurting to talk to him about. It was better if he didn't know the truth, it was better if he thought that they loved him too much, it was better that he didn't remember.

Sandy found her later that night curled up in bed, looking devastated.

"What's wrong honey?"

The sound of his voice, filled with so much concern, caused her violent sobs to start once again. Within seconds he was by her side holding her, rocking her, letting her know that she wasn't alone, he was there, letting her take her time, allowing her to grieve, what ever it was, waiting, and when she was ready to talk he would be there, listening.

When the sobs calmed down he started to whisper _"I love you". _Every other second he said it, _"I love you" "I love you" "I love you", _he didn't know what else to say, this is what he always told her when she was upset and it usually calmed her down, but not this time, this time was different and suddenly he knew what was wrong, he remembered what had happened the last time she was this upset and he hugged her tighter, never wanting to let go, wanting to always be there by her side, protecting her from whatever that was threatening her. That's why he felt so helpless, he couldn't protect her from this, from the pain, from the heartache, because he felt it too. No one but them would ever know this pain. No one but them would ever understand the sorrow. No one but them would ever feel the heartache.

"_Mommy? Mommy, are you sleeping?" A four-year-old Seth peeked into his parents bedroom, still in his pajamas he tiptoed over to the bed and climbed over his fathers empty side over to his mother. His father had been in his room early that morning, before he went to work, telling him that late last night when he was sleeping his mom had come home from the hospital and even if she was home she was still very tired so Seth needed to be a good boy today. Seth had nodded and promised not to disturb his mommy but she had been away for a really long time, or so he thought, and he had really missed her. He had been really quite sneaking out of his own room, careful so that his nanny wouldn't notice, and into his parents bedroom and that is where he was now, sitting in their bed, looking at his mothers back, slowly reaching out his small hand to touch her, making sure she was really there._

"_Mommy? Mommy, are you still sick?" He was getting worried now, she hadn't responded yet and she had never ignored him before. He was relived when she started moving and turned around so that he could see her face. _

"_I know I wasn't suppose to disturb you mommy, but I missed you so much. You were gone for so long." He was scared, scared that he had done the wrong thing by sneaking out of his room to se his mommy, scared that she would get mad. But she didn't, instead she saw his fears and the tears forming in his eyes and she sat up and hugged him letting tears run down her own cheeks as well. _

"_I'm sorry, sweetie. I'm sorry I was gone. I've missed you too. I've missed you so much."_

_He felt better now knowing that he hadn't done anything wrong, but when they broke the hug he saw her tears, she wasn't suppose to cry, she was his mommy and his mommy could do a lot of things but she didn't cry, she had never cried, before this moment he didn't know she could. _

"_Why are you sad, mommy?"_

_A smile spread across her face when he asked her the question but he didn't know why. If he had remembered this moment he would have realized, when he was older, it was because he added the word mommy that she had smiled, because still after everything that had happened she was still a mommy, but he wouldn't remember and he would never know why she smiled. _

_She knew that he had to know, she had to tell him, she wouldn't lie to him. _

"_I'm sad because I lost something."_

"_What did you loose mommy?"_

"_Honey, do you remember when daddy and I told you that you were going to get a brother or a sister?"_

_Seth nodded his head enthusiastically. "I'm going to play with him every day, I'm even going to let him watch my new Spiderman movie."_

_Tears were now running down her cheeks, confused Seth asked her;_

"_What is it mommy?"_

"_Sweetie, I lost the baby, there is no brother. I'm sorry honey." She hugged him tighter, clinging on to the child that lived. _

"_I'll help you look for him mommy. If we look really hard we can find him again."_

_A smile escaped her lips, he was a truly innocent child._

"_Seth we won't find the baby, he is gone."_

"_I will look really hard mommy."_

"_Seth listen to me, you won't find him, he is gone. Do you remember when you lost your Lego man?" Seth nodded "You dropped him down a street well, you had been really careful and put him in your pocket but still he fell out and down the well. And even if you knew where you lost him you couldn't find him." Seth listened carefully to what she said, taking in as much information as he could trying really hard to understand and still he felt confused. _

"_Can't you buy a new brother?" he asked remembering that his dad had taken him to the store to buy a new Lego man._

"_Aw, sweetie, I love you so much. But do you remember when daddy took you to the store to buy a new Lego man they didn't have the same one anymore? Do you remember?" Seth nodded, he remembered, he had cried for two days before actually agreeing to buy a different Lego man._

"_Can't you just ask daddy to get a different brother?" he said, happy that he finally understood what his mother was talking about. _

"_Seth I wish I could, but you see, in my case it is like they have stopped making all the Lego men, there isn't anyone left." _

_He hugged his mother again and promised himself to find the brother that she had lost, now that he understood that there would never be a new one. He climbed out of the bed and made his way down stairs and started his search. _

_When Sandy came home that night he found the house upside down, as a result of Seth's search for his brother, and his wife in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea. _

"_What happened here today?" He asked smiling before he kissed her cheek. "Where is Seth?" _

"_He's upstairs taking a bath with Claire."_

"_So what happened down here? Tornado? Earthquake?"_

"_Seth, I told him I lost the baby and he has been looking for it since."_

"_He has?" His voice was cheerful, his son had that effect on him, then he looked over at his wife and saw her pain, instantly he wrapped an arm around her waist and asked;_

"_How are you? Are you ok? Should I go and talk to him?"_

"_No, actually I feel better, good actually. After I talked to Seth this morning I realized how lucky we are. He is a miracle."_

"_I know" he kissed her temple_

"_He defeated all the odds only we didn't know it. He is perfect."_

"_I know" _

"Is it wrong to feel bad that we only have one child, when there are so many people out there who don't have any?" She wanted, no needed, him to say that it wasn't, because if he said no she knew she could stop to feeling so guilty.

"Of course not honey. It's normal, we are like all those other couples out there only we got a miracle from someone, don't ask me who."

"He is a miracle isn't he?"

"He sure is."

"He is our sweet perfect miracle" she said smiling with her husbands arms around her, his lips softly kissing her hair. "He is our miracle"

Little did they know that ten years later a file would be laying on Sandy's desk, a file that said _Atwood, Ryan_ and Seth would finally find the brother that he had been looking for a whole day when he was four.


End file.
